End of summer


My ball season ended and I had drank way to much b/c it was my last night racing where Dads spirit lives on for me .. Mville. I headed out on the town and I knew my choices would be coming from vodka bre. Oh how I love her smile and smart mouth. That girl believes in her true beauty and celebrates the FACK outta each moment. That girl let’s go, and soaks up the sun to recharge her light.

I for the very first time in a while was ok. I was confident in my night Friday and my place in this new world of me. I was flirty as FACK, made eye contact and took the drinks from each man who approached with an offer to steal my night. I got all the girls a free drink or two , with my sorry were doing round for round story, and each fool bought two … haha 👋. I had many eye contact moments that told me the door was open, if I wanted to be tossed around and devoured in a raw exchange of heat. My sarcasm dulled and my innocence exposed, boyz are easy to play .. ha ha.

However, despite my candidate choices for the raw exchange, I’m generally seeking. I never stayed long enough in once place or group moving through my night outta my own zone.

I smiled realizing it was a calm, a lack of desires for the typical mundane men in front of me. This scene and this repetitive outcome. Its because I was ready for something else, I was ready for a new journey.

That feeling was surreal and sobering on the drive home. That smile and assurance in my choice was overwhelming. In a good way, I was warm almost. Safe, and at the right time in my life to open these doors to what lays ahead of me. Excitement, curiosity, fear and the unknown for the first time felt good.

I’ll always remember this night and this feeling. It wasn’t memorable for the stories of my adventures or smart ass mouth. It was memorable because it was confidence and acceptance. It was faith in myself and the friendships I was starting. I was going to start this journey, and I wasn’t going to pass up any opportunity given to me.

I woke up after the shortest nap of my life feeling rested and sure. I played catch Sunday and owned it, I sacrificed my body and I made the Fucking dynamite catches. I pushed threw the pain and got the next, I was on point. I was awoken, but slowly the sun and exhaustion sets in and then the temperature drops once I get the the track. I begin to feel the tension steal every muscle and I was on top of the trailer for another 99 laps.

I then get the invite and offer, I’d knew I was not to pass up. I was so sore and so dirty from my last day of my 2017 summer adventures. I literally had not stoped since 644 am, it was catching up to me. My body had won and I needed to rest. However, I rallied my body and pain to go for it and I did. I was so sure last night, when the reality of acceptance and safeness came over me. I knew, I had take my first leap of faith into this new me. I new she’d be there for me, protect me from myself, comfort me and wanted me to join. I knew it was the moment, we had all waited for… me to finally believe in myself because I did.


What inning is it?

Dear coach

It’s now 3 am … Your phone call put me over the edge, that sexy voice .

I had to have a few moments with myself to settle enough for sleep. It is torture to have this much to talk about but yet nothing really gets accomplished in our banter .

I adore the name and smile you leave on my day… start finding more time to call me or steal my nights by feeding my desires, while keeping my smart mouth and attention focused.

Dear Boston

If that was you last Saturday checking vodka Bree   …

Please give my blog the courtesy of delteting your web browser, 😜💋. Wouldn’t want you to get busted in the black Beamer reading a Canadians blog 🤣. Honestly, thou please; this blog address in the wrong hands could really hurt me. Don’t put me in that position.

I am going to write to you and because of you but know it’s my sassy smart mouth, some wine and the blindside you gave me . I am such a genuine person, so it boggles my mind when people fail to just be honest.

You left me lost in a sea of so many questions, about myself and our adventure. Was I just a wasted girl or did I remeber a different evening. Did you steal my night purposeley with that smile because there was an appreciation and I am an amazing girl. Was the bar chat/banter actually good or did you see your next victim?

Jeez … if I had a choice ?! I would do it all over again but just with a little honesty and I’d go to your room sooner because I would have loved to enjoyed more of that chiseled body…… that’s just my honesty. Don’t be a stranger jeezzzz

Hope you’re having a fabulous summer and know…. I wear a smile like in the original Dear Boston; when I think of you like a postcard  from my wanderlust summer adventures .


Against the grain 

I may be loud, brash and truthful but that’s my charm. Love it or leave, that’s my gift from this world. 

I will not just stand by and watch because I am an advocate & a force to be reckoned with; especially if I in believe in a cause, someone needs protection, or I have a passionate view (political or not 😂) . 

I will be your strength when you don’t have any, I will be the voice when yours is lost, I will be anything that’s required to make it to the other side. I will change minds and lives, I will stand tall and strong, even if it’s alone! 

I was not suppose to work the shift last night, I had it planned and my vacation was not suppose to start this way. I am exhausted from the tension of standing up against the grain. 

I am blessed to have an awesome, amazing females to guide me, coach me and help me see the strength I have is invincible. 

So watch out weekend because 

I will make the best of it; cold drinks, lots of racing 🏁and 🇨🇦Canada’s birthday 🎉

Dear friend; 

This was a hard week saying goodbyes to you nick. The legacy you leave is greater than your time here on earth. The love and impact on all you connected with was such a blessing. The resemblance of your smile, will live on in those adorable children’s smiles forever because Forgetting you will be impossible and that comforts my sorrow right now. 
I will look up and smile at the stars for the time you were given and watch the birds soar free with grace, knowing your pain is forever gone. I will always hold my pockets aces tight and smile, remembering all the card games you guys taught me. I wish the deck wasn’t stacked against you and jess so often lately. You fought hard and most importantly; you did it together as a family.

A love story that had to end way to soon but a beautiful one nonetheless, each mountain the two of climbed or prognosis you were given you both took in stride. I just wish you two could have found each other sooner and loved each other a little longer. Xo 

Saturday Nights 

I got addicted to you so easily. Why?

Two long weeks ago, we raced from the back with 12 laps to go and preformed amazing. Obviously, Knocking on our only competitions door ” #ontheloudpeddle ”

This excitement had me on a high from the adrenaline, freedom, summer, changes and fun. Oh, but I also became Vodka Bre by stepping out side the safety bubble and got my mind blown.

I am looking forward to some new adventures of this wonderlust 2017; I am creating and navigating. Some detours and flight plan edits but hell … I got this with an open mind and my navigational beacon.

Mirror Mirror…. 

Found Andees album this week.

This week thou, total chaos within. I am writing to get it out,  before I head out on the town and feed my deviant delusional soul with bullshit and vodka.

The taste from the bottle of bad decisions was the coping skill to get me through. Each sip tasted and went down smooth like Boston; he was so full of endless possibilities, adventures and excitiment. Untill reality came outta left field and I wasn’t prepared b/c I was playing rover !

I went along for the ride, the distraction and the adventure.. obviously. Flirting with disaster at each pour, each choice and bad decision. Comforting the chaos swirling inside my mind and body. Questions and truths … just left unanswered.

Then the party ends and you have to find your sun glasses first, then the phone, water, Advil and belongings. The aftermath of the dreadful hangover.. which looms around you all day. You regret your decisions and reflect with either laughter or shame. Was it or would it be worth it again?!

I am praying to stand on top of the trailer tonight and find peace. I will be ok, if it doesn’t rain out, and the one thing I focused on this week .. finally gets here. The competition, power, heats , rivals and race goes our way. Finding our way to the front and in position to perform a show. #ontheloudpedal