My ball season ended and I had drank way to much b/c it was my last night racing where Dads spirit lives on for me .. Mville. I headed out on the town and I knew my choices would be coming from vodka bre. Oh how I love her smile and smart mouth. That girl believes in her true beauty and celebrates the FACK outta each moment. That girl let’s go, and soaks up the sun to recharge her light.
I for the very first time in a while was ok. I was confident in my night Friday and my place in this new world of me. I was flirty as FACK, made eye contact and took the drinks from each man who approached with an offer to steal my night. I got all the girls a free drink or two , with my sorry were doing round for round story, and each fool bought two … haha 👋. I had many eye contact moments that told me the door was open, if I wanted to be tossed around and devoured in a raw exchange of heat. My sarcasm dulled and my innocence exposed, boyz are easy to play .. ha ha.
However, despite my candidate choices for the raw exchange, I’m generally seeking. I never stayed long enough in once place or group moving through my night outta my own zone.
I smiled realizing it was a calm, a lack of desires for the typical mundane men in front of me. This scene and this repetitive outcome. Its because I was ready for something else, I was ready for a new journey.
That feeling was surreal and sobering on the drive home. That smile and assurance in my choice was overwhelming. In a good way, I was warm almost. Safe, and at the right time in my life to open these doors to what lays ahead of me. Excitement, curiosity, fear and the unknown for the first time felt good.
I’ll always remember this night and this feeling. It wasn’t memorable for the stories of my adventures or smart ass mouth. It was memorable because it was confidence and acceptance. It was faith in myself and the friendships I was starting. I was going to start this journey, and I wasn’t going to pass up any opportunity given to me.
I woke up after the shortest nap of my life feeling rested and sure. I played catch Sunday and owned it, I sacrificed my body and I made the Fucking dynamite catches. I pushed threw the pain and got the next, I was on point. I was awoken, but slowly the sun and exhaustion sets in and then the temperature drops once I get the the track. I begin to feel the tension steal every muscle and I was on top of the trailer for another 99 laps.
I then get the invite and offer, I’d knew I was not to pass up. I was so sore and so dirty from my last day of my 2017 summer adventures. I literally had not stoped since 644 am, it was catching up to me. My body had won and I needed to rest. However, I rallied my body and pain to go for it and I did. I was so sure last night, when the reality of acceptance and safeness came over me. I knew, I had take my first leap of faith into this new me. I new she’d be there for me, protect me from myself, comfort me and wanted me to join. I knew it was the moment, we had all waited for… me to finally believe in myself because I did.